after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
