Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
