Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
