So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
