Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
