i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
