I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
