her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
