Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
