those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
