i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
