Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
