just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
