Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
