My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
