There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
