Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
