You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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