im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found the puke drawer
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
