And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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