I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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