I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
