so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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