I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
