i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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