this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
