So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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