i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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