Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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