Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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