Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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