OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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