Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
