I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
