that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sobbing to NWA
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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