I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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