took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
