Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
