You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
