Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
