Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
