That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
