so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
