She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
