dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
