I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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