Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
