And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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