I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
