I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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