Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You smell like stripper and shame
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
